Costly Love

Yesterday I returned to the city after a week in Michigan. Part of that trip included giving a message at Kensington’s New Community service. I taught from John 9, a passage that has played a critical role in shaping the ministry of Communitas in New York City. One focus of the teaching was the verse at the beginning of the chapter which is easily overlooked: “As Jesus went along he saw…”. This simple observation about Jesus raises some questions: Are we looking, are we paying attention, do we see the people, the needs, the opportunities to love which are around us all the time? And are we willing to be interrupted, to have our plans and agendas altered as we go along? I suggested that this could be costly in terms of our personal time and resources, but in the end it is what it means to love others, the commandment the Scripture tells us fulfills the entire law.

I got off the plane mid-afternoon, took the bus and subway home, dropped my suitcase at my apartment and walked back out the door heading to New Jersey. My friends Brad and Stephanie were moving into a new apartment in Jersey City just across the Hudson from Manhattan. I had promised them help and I was running late, so I was walking at my fastest NYC pace across 33rd to catch the Path train to NJ.

As I went along, in a hurry, behind schedule, I saw a woman sitting on sidewalk, leaning against a building, holding a sign. I was walking too fast to read the entire message, but these typically are a plea for help. I went by…a few steps, and then remembered. I turned back and read the sign- quickly. I was late and in a hurry. The sign read:

I am a mother of four. I lost my job. I need help feeding my children and paying my rent. God Bless.”

I reached into my pocket, pulled out my change, and dumped it in the paper cup from Subway she was holding in her hands.

I sped away- late and in a hurry. And then I thought, as Jesus went along, he saw, and stopped and healed. So I turned back. I sat down next to her on the sidewalk and asked her about her situation. She could not understand a word of English. I tried to communicate anyhow, by pointing to words on her sign. No luck. What could I do? I decided I could pray for her, so I asked her if I could pray- no comprehension. So I just placed my hand on her shoulder, bowed my head, and prayed for her- asking Jesus, who knows all about her situation, to help and protect her and her children. Then I opened up my wallet and pulled out a $5 bill and put it in her cup. She looked up at me and said, in English, “God Bless You.” She knew some English!

I hurried down 33rd to the train, continuing to think of her and to pray for her. As I sat on the train a few minutes later, more of my message I had given at Kensington came to mind. I had shared a story about seeing a homeless person sleeping on a subway platform that reminded me of my son, and how in the instant when I first saw him, I felt deep pain in my heart for him as if he were my son. I shared that we will know when we are beginning to love as God loves when we feel that for all people and respond as if they were our own children. They are all God’s children, and that is what he feels.

To love in this way will be costly. I don’t even know how it can be done. If that really was my daughter, I would have skipped New Jersey and scooped her up in my arms and taken her home. I don’t think God was asking that of me. But when I got to New Jersey and reached into my wallet and pulled out the 10 dollar bill to get something to drink, a troubling question popped into my head. When I pulled out my wallet 30 minutes earlier to help a hungry, unemployed woman with four children, why had I pulled out the 5 dollar bill? Why not the 10? Why not both? Because I was hungry and had not eaten all day. Like her? Like her four children? Was my love a love that was costly- that would cost me just one meal? And if that really was my daughter, which bill would I have given her.

I see that I have more to learn about costly love.